"If you prick us, do we not bleed?" - Autistic people are not aliens!

The other day this blog entry appeared and it seemed to get parts of the autistic world in quite an upset although its been around a while:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-imprinted-brain/201608/autistics-undomesticated-humans

Quote intro:

"Autistic authors often describe themselves as aliens from outer space, but remarkable new research by Antonio Benítez-Burraco, Wanda Lattanzi, and Elliot Murphy suggests that people diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) might more accurately be described as less domesticated members of our own, self-domesticated species."

I am no natural scientist so I am not going to attempt to critique the article from that standpoint because I am only armed with a CC grade at Double award GCSE Science! I think it best to leave that to those who know what they are talking about... however....

The article was dismissed instantly by some and I can agree that the author used ableist language and some of it was offensive but it did get me thinking.

I don't personally go along with the whole "I am an alien/from a wrong planet" line. There's a brilliant support website called http://wrongplanet.net/ for those with Asperger's Syndrome but I do find the name increasingly irritating. I dislike the overemphasis of the differences between the neurotypical and autistic when actually we share a lot of common ground in feelings, functions and experiences. 

That 'focus on the difference' view just further punctuates the line of being "the other" and how helpful is that when there's so many similarities with those with autism and those who are neurotypical? We end up making ourselves out to be something unique when we aren't. Many people share some of our autistic characteristics in terms of their own medical and cognitive challenges and we certainly don't have the full ownership of sensory overload. 

If we keep pushing this agenda that we are alien and from another planet and keep underlining the point we are different, don't then get offended when the neurotypical people then agree! We can help to foster this kind of view. For example, where a child has a very healthy interest in a minority sport, the child may be criticised for it but their neurotypical peers may have the same level of depth and fascination in another sport, but its the socially acceptable one of football, they are not. This repeated restating that autistic people are significantly different from the neurotypical person can have damaging impact so that we end up marginalising ourselves. 

I take exception regarding the position that my lens in which I look through at life is so fundamentally different to the neurotypicals (excuse the generalisations here!!) that I am actually another species, at least cognitively speaking. At times people won't get me but all humans go through that, right?!?

So if we call ourselves aliens from outer space, don't then be surprised if others refer to us as being animal like and undomesticated because actually we invited that criticism in when we overstated our differences.

“If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?"

As stated by Shylock in Act III, scene I

William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice

Ok, perhaps not the last but autistic or neurotypcial, we are all one species.

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Dealing with lots going on at work: how to get organised

Some weeks I feel quite content because I don't have lots of things going on. I may have big things but not a long list of stuff and I don't like long lists...

It's when my to do list becomes the length of the weekly shopping list that I become panicky and I don't know what thing to do first. I get mentally overloaded by everything I need to do so I sometimes ignore things, hoping they'll magically go away. I end up burying my head in the sand because I am so overwhelmed by what I have in front of me. When deadlines approach, my utter hatred of failure and messing up puts me into overdrive and I meticulously work through the most urgent of items at the last hour.

But this approach put a lot of stress on me. I find that it triggers migraines and makes things all the more unproductive. I don't like it so I do what I can to avoid things stacking up in the first place. I believe that prevention is the best way to avoid a lot of the autistic meltdown/shut down reactions, if that is at all possible!

Yesterday I felt like it was getting too much at work. I had tasks coming in from one manager and another lot from another manager. All the tasks felt urgent and my head was swimming with so much to do and not a lot of clarity. So I decided I would be methodical and spend a bit of time to work out what I had to do so I could work with a bold aim in mind.

I use Microsoft Outlook for my work e-mail and I use the flag tool (follow-up) to help me identify work I have been given and I can set myself a reminder attached to the e-mail so that Outlook automatically reminds me when things need to be done. The idea is that e-mails can be "flagged" with reminders and I can colour code them with categories as well based on the type of work I have been set for my categories (also brilliant in highlighting events in my calendar). Microsoft have helpfully provided web pages to show us how to use the follow-up tool in Microsoft Outlook and how to use colour categories in Microsoft Outlook. The follow-up tool then builds a to-do list and marks what needs to be looked at in order of the dates I have set for reminders. This then helps me see at a glance what I need to do first and I can work through things in order and add to it as new things come in.

I try to keep the to do list short or the sheer length of it makes my brain hurt. I remember from my web design days of reading about the psychology of web design. The idea was that the human brain rarely can process more than seven things at a time so a website with a menu of over seven items will be hard for the end user to browse through. I take the same design concepts into my lists. Its why I have to scan each item of the shopping list to find the item to check it off since I can't easily glance at the whole thing (where it is long) and see an item quickly. Its important that my to do lists don't grow to unmanageable lengths. So my list is a reminder to me to keep flagging my e-mails so I remember to go back to them and so things aren't lost. I ensure I keep my task list not too long or else it will make me overwhelmed and I will run away until I come back with fresh and less stressed eyes.

There's often talk about reasonable adjustments and the onus being on the employer to provide the support and workplace chances but I believe we need to also help ourselves if they aren't suggesting the right things. The one way is to maximise the benefits of the tools we might already have in our workplace.

As a former ICT lecturer and IT trainer, I think that not enough time is given to staff to learn how to use their computing tools. It is assumed that we somehow just figure it out on our own. We don't. If we don't know a function is there, we won't be magically looking for it unless we have that curious disposition. Many IT users are scared of doing something wrong. Its understandable.

I have trained people to organise their e-mails so they automatically go into different folders based on the contents and who its come from. At the end of the session I see real impact to these IT users because they are no longer faced with such an unmanageable wall of information but that it is sifted by topics and senders automatically into clearly labelled folders. It reduces the stress and helps aid productivity.

I know that creating e-mail sorting rules in Microsoft Outlook or flagging and categorising isn't the only solution to information overload but its a start, right?

Reference:

McCracken, DD. & Wolfe, RJ., (2003) User-centered Website Development: A Human-Computer Interaction Approach, Prentice Hall

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Coping with work-related mistakes

We all make mistakes at some point. Some people make mistakes with a shocking frequency but I think the majority of us take some pride in ourselves and want to do our best most or all of the time.

Sometimes I make mistakes although I hate it when I do. I tend to internalise it and put it down to my autism as the cause, as if I would be perfect if it wasn't for some unrelenting and cruel disability. It stares at me, holding me back, like it is jealous of me reaching my potential. I become incredibly fed-up and angry at what I perceive to be caused by some genetic injustice or design error. By no fault of my own I have got this malfunctioning brain that is making me mess up in a way that no one else would do, who would identify as neuro typical.

Cue lots of tears, frustration and shaking a fist in the direction of some vague deity concept. I get all theological and philosophical, wondering about why a (possibly Christian?!) God would make me from a design that had inherit mistakes in it. I ponder predestination and if I am "meant" to experience all this supposed autistic-derived suffering because human freewill is potentially a nonexistent construct?! God has already decided before I was born of my life's trajectory and I am merely a puppet controlled by its cruel puppet master, toying with its humankind.

I think of the unfairness of why I was born with such quirks. I can recognise autism had given me lots of benefits such as thinking in the way that I do and approaching tasks in novel and creative ways. I see that if utilised properly, it could be of great use in some workplaces and wider society. I get all that.
But I fail to ever see how sensory overload is a personality style but rather it is somewhat of a curse. It appears to me to be outside of a cognitive style. I might explore this later.

So there I am, getting ridiculously over the top and contemplating some deep topics all because I had made a mistake at work.

And actually when I calmed down and started to be a bit more rational and logical, I realised the instructions I was given were nonsensical or lacked the preciseness that I required. I had a wild stab in the dark guessing what was asked of me, and in good faith I completed the task to the best of my ability.

The trouble is, the instructions lead me up the wrong garden path (not literally!). After talking with some neuro typical people, I realised too that autistic people don't have some monopoly or rather unique experience to dealing with vague instructions. Yes, we do require a higher level of accuracy in instructions and find reading between the lines a challenge, but the neuro typical people of this world do not possess some weird unspoken-about mind reading skills.

So I started lowering my fist and the last tear fell. I began to realise that in this case I hadn't made a mistake but the person issuing the instructions wasn't clear. Perhaps the system itself of how work was communicated needed revision. It wasn't about mistakes or failures, it was more about a failure in communication to get across what job needed to be done. This is not even passing the blame onto the person setting the task but as a reminder to us all that clarity in writing is important. It helps organisational efficiency and cut down the unnecessary emails required to decipher the intended meaning.

And you know what? This happens to everyone, autistic or not. Mistakes can happen because one's autism can be a mitigating factor in creating different approaches to problems and understandings and sometimes not. However being on some autistic spectrum doesn't automatically mean that every setback and difficulty must be because of cognitive developmental disorder. I think I need step away from the automatic assigning all problems and life challenges to autism. I expect if I had spoken to a colleague about what I had been asked to do, they may not have been much clearer either.

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Now you are autistic, get on with it (alone)!

As I was driving into work today I could feel this sudden gust of anger. I feel like I need to make sense of these feelings and state my absolute disgust with the way the whole diagnosis process went. In fact, I would suggest that it was not only neglectful but emotionally damaging to drop a bombshell onto someone and not offer any follow up support.

Recently I have been taking a trip down memory lane and looking at both my Dyspraxia and Asperger's Syndrome diagnoses reports. It got me thinking about the lack of follow-up that the NHS provided after I had the autism label thrust on me.

So I got the report in the post with a cover letter that also went to my GP. It drew a lot of the material from the report of my earlier privately assessed Dyspraxia diagnosis so some of it was just what was written a few years previous. 

The ASC report made some recommendations along the lines of me seeking out self-help groups and contacting a county-based autism charity that might be able to help me find my way in the world. There was no offers of therapy or opportunities to talk through with anyone about what this meant to me. There was no assistance to explain how this might impact on me as an intellectually high functioning adult who might need some help in the workplace. There was absolutely nothing that I felt I could access. Given that autistic people are known for their difficulties with communication and socialising, I don't think it is helpful to just give me a contact telephone number of a support group. I have no desire to sit in a room with other people with ASC and whinge about the world through my neuro-atypical lens. I wasn't even sure that the people in that support group were similar as me in terms of their independent living. After all, all autistic people are different. I found the whole process demoralising.

I still hadn't at that point fully grasped what autism was but I knew that clever people could get it and it wasn't a requirement to be either dribbly or have super mathematical powers. I just knew what I had gleamed off the internet and figured that might be me. Now some clinician agreed and I was now 'disabled'.

Ten years on and I find I know a lot more about autism and I am still learning. I plan to never stop learning about it. Yet I think if the NHS had given me the opportunity to talk through the diagnosis with someone who understood it and its ramifications, it could have saved me many years of negativity and depression. Due to NHS funding in my area, such support is not offered. I understand it is available under many other NHS trusts. It just depends on where one lives.

I didn't need to spend years feeling like an oddball, someone who was born wrong with a deficit mind, trapped inside an awkwardness holding me back from greater things. And I didn't need to hear people tell me that I don't seem autistic and that I act normal when at the same time all I could think about was to stop the sound of that dog barking.

I needed the opportunity to process the diagnosis in a safe and supportive environment and my NHS trust didn't think this was necessary for me to have it. So today I felt angry because I wasted many years feeling so much pain over my sense of who I was and who I could become, not understanding that the label of autism is only as powerful as the meanings I ascribe to it.

So now? The more I think about autism, the more I realise its just a collection of problems, issues, behaviours and personality features that come under an umbrella term. Not everyone has every one thing and in various severity and it doesn't feel like a death sentence any more.

I shall keep trucking along, learning about it, and finding my way in the world with the usual aim to do as least damage as possible to everything around me. I guess that's the best anyone can do.

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A medical solution to a not very medical problem - occupational health

I decided that I would be proactive at work and request that HR refer me to occupational health.

What I wanted was to have my autistic needs formally recognised in terms of my seating arrangements when we move to a new site later in the year.

What I was seeking to avoid was to be placed in a large open-plan office surrounded by noise, lots of people and near a high traffic area. The last thing I would need is to sit nearby to the printers! That kind of working environment would see my productivity fall, my stress levels rise and I could be penalised in my appraisals if I wasn't meeting my potential.

Alas, to get the clout needed to mobilise various people and departments to take my needs seriously and lead to a satisfactory result, the only way I could think of was through occupational health.

So I visited this occupational health place. It was on a business park not at all accessible for those who don't drive and the lack of easy car parking was worrying (cars blocking in other cars in parking bays). I saw no evidence of disabled parking. I hope that the less able bodied would perhaps be visited at home or at other more suitable premises.

So on the day I was stressed. I didn't know the area well and finding the site was challenging to say the least since the provided map and instructions made little sense. I got there early and was glad that I had looked on Google Street Maps to visualise the turnings and road layouts. It removes some of the mystery of driving around the unknown.

What bothered me the most was the way one gets into the reception. I don't understand how intercoms work in that they seem to each have their own operating methods and the procedure of what to say into it. I often found this process utterly confusing. Some systems remotely unlock the door; others don't. I appreciate the need for security but none of it of what to do was transparent and I think a sentence or two on the instructions about finding the place would have been useful. I felt a little surprised that the door couldn't be unlocked remotely and it was so irrelevant to my day but it still bothered me that someone had to press what looked like a door bell to open it.

The doctor was pleasant enough. I won't be critiquing him but I was somewhat amused when he told me he was familiar with Asperger's Syndrome. Familiar. It made me think he'd encountered it at some point in an hour CPD session but it was clear he was no expert. To be fair, I wasn't expecting him to be. He's a generalist I suspect, who when not seeing me, would to be working with those with mental illness and stress and those who have physical difficulties that require perhaps a different kind of support in the workplace from what I was seeking.

I felt like I had to tell him what I needed. It would have been refreshing if he was leading it because he knows high functioning autism in women but I felt it was really me speaking up about what I found difficult. Sometimes I get so tired of being my own advocate. It would make a change if more people just "got it". When I meet those kinds of people, I really value their insight and experience. It's incredible to feel normal again.

Here's the thing I find odd: it takes a doctor to write a report to HR that I need a quieter working environment. The solution is very much non-medical. Anyone who knows about autism would know the kinds of solutions I am looking for. It doesn't take a doctor to know this. Teachers (those with ASC experience). Carers. Autism researchers/academics. Parents of autistic children. Autistic people themselves. Lots of other people with much more meaningful experience. And yet because these such people aren't clinicians, their expertise and experience counts for nothing in the eyes of HR.

This is what makes things so irritating because I have to get a doctor involved when I am still grappling with the idea of whether autism is even a medical thing.

I get it. The Equality Act 2010 talks about disability as one of the nine protected characteristics. This legislates about discrimination and requires businesses and so on to provide 'reasonable adjustments' in the workplace to disabled people. It also defines disability as having a physical or mental impairment that has a ‘substantial’ and ‘long-term’ negative effect on one's ability to do normal daily activities. Autism is covered by this law.

Disabilities are often seen in terms of the medical definition and the doctors are supposedly good at understanding the whole clinical side. They can diagnose such things. It makes sense.

And here's the difficulty for me: I am disabled because my autism has a ‘substantial’ and ‘long-term’ negative effect on my ability to do normal daily activities.

Well, kinda. I make reasonable adjustments for myself all the time through my coping mechanisms. If I can't stand the sound of my work colleague munching through a pot of carrot sticks, I'll make the team their tea and coffee. I win brownie points for being nice and we all chuckle that I have hit my record of making five cups without spilling it. My dyspraxia rather makes carrying hot drinks tricky so I am rather pleased that one of the ladies got a high sided tray that'll fit five cups in it. I am happy to do shuttle runs between the kitchen and office as it rests my eyes from the computer monitor.
By the time I am back with the last cup the carrot muncher has finished.

And also since HR has now listened to the doctor (I am hoping!), my new desk location will not cause me any substantial or negative issues within my working environment.
Perhaps too my husband and child and other people in my life will understand how I operate and change their behaviour in such a way that they don't put me through unnecessary upset. It comes through understanding autism and me speaking up when something is upsetting.

With all these informal and formal adjustments in place, I wonder if actually I now would be considered disabled under the EA2010?!! And yet if I wasn't legally recognised as disabled, I wouldn't then be able to have reasonable adjustments in the workplace.

Whoa... Seems a paradox?!

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10 years on from my AS diagnosis - what's changed since?

Introduction

Back in February 2006, I finally received a report from my Dyspraxia assessment. It was arranged through my university and done privately. I completed a lot of paperwork with statements I had to rate as to how well they applied to me. I posted back the first ones and the assessor realised from my results that I might have Asperger's Syndrome so more assessment paperwork was due my way. This revelation meant nothing to me but I had always associated autism with extremely low functioning people who dribbled so I didn't think this could be right!?
I have never had much experience of those with significant mental and physical difficulties so I didn't have a clue how this would tally up with me. I remembered reading that some computer software companies had hired some supposed social misfits who could churn out amazingly brilliant computer programming code but they couldn't really look after themselves. They were autistic. The employers were essentially their carers. I knew I wasn't anything like that.
So I completed the second lot of assessments and then visited the lady in person.
We talked a lot and she was nice. It is an entirely irrelevant point but I remember the room to be sunny and bright. She pointed out that she couldn't diagnose me with ASD officially (and I have recently learnt only clinical people can do that) but it would perhaps be worth further investigation.
What I do remember is her saying teaching would be a poor career choice for someone like myself. I think she was concerned about the noise, the social dynamics and how I might organise my thoughts. And I guess she's right in part because it's not easy being a teacher, autistic or not, but I have always been determined not to let my problems hold me back. In an act of defiance some may argue I did my teacher training anyway a few years later!
I sat on all this information for a while, trying to get my head around it. Eventually I went to my GP, showed him my Dyspraxia report and without much persuasion, he referred me to the local hospital to see a clinical psychologist about the Asperger's Syndrome. I didn't have to wait long and I believe that to be fairly unusual as its not unheard of to wait up to two years. I think it might have been a few months, tops.

Summary of my Asperger's diagnostic report

November 2007 - Confirmed as Asperger’s Syndrome
Here's the summary of the points raised in my autism report highlighted in red.
Underneath I'll comment on how it applies now.
I have grouped it by themes to make it a bit easier to follow.

Work

• Always felt different and became aware of a problem when at work when discovering the importance of work being structured in a certain way. It became clear that instructions needed to be precise. I could be over-precise or pedantic.

Some job roles are better than others for those with autism. Teaching gave me the autonomy I craved after years of feeling mentally curtailed in previous roles which didn't utilise my full skills. Teaching is full of structure and rules - schemes of work, lesson plans and other stuff to do that are regularly repeated. I was Queen of my classroom. Something annoyed me? I can stop it (well, if I had the right classroom management skills!). I never ever felt overloaded in an autistic way as perhaps the pace of the lessons never dragged long enough to get irritating. But to feel safe and secure, I had to lesson plan way over the top. Ofsted would love me and my crazy planning and resource production but it was too mentally demanding. I felt I was living from one lesson to the next and working too late into the evening. I was starting to lose a sense of myself and this is why I opted for a much easier IT training role. Well, it was easier in some ways because when the work day ended, it ended but it was much harder too although much if it could have been avoided if my needs were properly understood. 

At least with teaching, there's far more scope to not know everything and to create an activity where the students explore to find answers for themselves. Training puts a greater focus on me knowing everything and doing a lot more talking. It was high pressured in ways teaching is not. Its just different!

I can certainly say that I still need task instructions to be clear and I do find that I struggle when things are vague and open to a lot of interpretation. I have had various line managers of differing quality and some have been incredibly supportive of when I have asked for clarification. Others have been less helpful, batting it back to me with, "You should know". In such trying situations, I ask a colleague for their spin on it or if that's not possible, I do the work in how I think and wait for the complaints that it is wrong. I am less timid of asking for clarification and I have been open with my current manager about this difficulty. It is better to do that than stick my head in the sand and hope the task goes away. I have learnt to speak up more and not be afraid.

• Frustration with work situation – misses out on interesting work because of lack of social skills.

As already stated above, I have improved in terms of my confidence. Teacher training was a huge milestone for me because I learnt how to speak up, stand in front of people and not worry about everyone looking at me. I got into my groove and I became very single-minded on what I was trying to achieve so that there was less time to worry about things. 

If I look back, I suspect that I missed out on 'better' work in some job roles because I struggle with promoting myself. I wonder now if this is less about the autism and more about my modesty and self-deprecating nature. I don't shout from the rooftops that I am brilliant and I know I need to sometimes make myself more attractive to employers so they can see my worth. At present, I feel like I am in a better place for this but I have to continue to impress my abilities so that I can be included future things. But it is that fine line between appropriate self-promotion and not becoming arrogant. 

• Poor experience declaring diagnosis – not been taken seriously.

People can be idiots. They do not necessarily understand autism without training or support - I certainly didn't until much later on in my life. I can't assume people will take it seriously if they look at me and wonder how I can be autistic off the back of my many achievements. Whether I like it or not, I have to educate others for my own good.

• Recurring depression but overcomes it.

It's hard being different and as much as I can wax lyrical about the positivity of autism, at times it is shit. The sensory overloads, looking in on a social interaction not knowing if I can join in and the ignorance I face. But I know too that some of my life challenges aren't only felt by autistic people and that I need to work towards a greater acceptance of myself. It takes time. Autistic people don't have a monopoly on social difficulties. 

• Glass half empty attitude.

 To be fair, how much time do we get to stop and smell the roses and appreciate everything around us? After many years of studying human rights abuse I do despair about mankind and I have got into the groove of negativity. Perhaps with a greater awareness of autism, I may be able to focus more on those who go beyond tokenism and generally make a difference in the world to further inclusion.

Social

• Difficulty with making friends and preferring smaller social circles. New people were hard to deal with.

I wonder about this. I am not sure if I do have so many problems making friends as so much as I just like my own company more. I know this applied to when I was at school but now? I don't seek people out unless I want to, not because I don't care about others or think about them but my thoughts often don't translate into action. I guess I probably need to make a better effort at keeping in touch so people don't think I am indifferent. I just find my own space easier. With a greater confidence about myself, I am less likely to have trouble dealing with new people. Over time I have realised we all have a social dance. There's set footwork to follow. Conversation is impersonal at first. It's focused on the environment in which we are in. Comments are about the weather, the rubbish beer, the excellent customer service and a brief description of our job and other sorts of superficial chat. I realise too that "what we do" is the key to beginning most social interactions. 

• Reporting bullying with a feeling of always being on the outside and getting things wrong such as fashion, behaviour and people taking advantage.

This reflected how I felt as a teenager and as a young adult. When I got to university I realised how diverse people are in so many ways. It made me realise that its okay doing my own thing and I didn't need to confirm to some set behaviour pattern and dress code because some nasty small-minded girl said so back in year 8 at school. I realised too that school was extremely insular and anyone striving out to do their own thing could be cut right down. I largely didn't recognise much of the social norms until I was 14 or so. At that point it suddenly became clear how far I was on the periphery. I never really wanted to give up my sense of myself and be assimilated into the collective of mindless drones (like the Borg if one knows Star Trek). I just wanted the space to be me and that to be accepted and respected.

As for being taken advantage of, I know I was at times. As my coping mechanism, I am extremely risk aware. It takes me a long time to trust people and let them in. Having said that, it's what keeps me safe. Everyone gets a chance with me but I don't have time for unpleasant people. If I can distance myself from that, I will. Unfortunately it is much harder when it's in the workplace and so I have spent the last few years equipping myself with the necessary knowledge to keep me safe. I am an equality representative for my trade union branch. It has empowered me in such a way that I know my rights and responsibilities and I will not tolerate anyone taking advantage of me or another colleague. I am not the person I was a decade ago who'd go home and cry but not fight back. The workplace bullying I faced long ago was did certain criminal actions and because I lacked sufficient knowledge, I allowed it to go unpunished. Having said that, I did at least recognise the power in the grievance policy and I hope that clipped the wings of the perpetrator. It at least would have led to a very unpleasant meeting and questions raised. Nowadays, I see knowledge as the first line of defence but I certainly have no litigious streak. 

• Often felt misunderstood. People were seen as superficial. I was nervous, anxious and making me feel both physically and emotionally upset.

I wonder sometimes if I don't give people enough opportunities to understand. The neuro typical isn't a mind reader. How can they know what upsets me unless they say? I have learnt to be more open about my autism, where necessary. I more recently realised the importance of being my own advocate. If I don't speak up that the air conditioning unit is causing me sensory overload by making a horrible noise and blowing air over my head, how can anyone else know? 

All that pent up tension will cause mental and physical difficulties such as migraines so I will be much more vocal about my condition when  I need to. I don't wear it like a label but I have to speak up or things can't change. 

As for people being superficial, I think the main issue is just not mixing with the right kinds of people. Regardless of autism, there are shallow people around and the trick I guess is to find decent caring people and they perhaps may be more accommodating of my needs. And of course, I try to be the same back as well.

• Difficulty in controlling loudness of voice and knowing when to stop talking

Voice volume has been a problem at times when I don't always appreciate the environment I am in and fail to modify my speech. It's much improved but I can sometimes talk too quietly.

When stopping talking, I run a mental check on the other person to check if they are getting disengaged from my talking. I am often aware that I struggle to appreciate that someone needs to leave the conversation. I tend to not keep people too long if I meet them in corridors, stairwells or they are saying their lunch. I set up exit strategies too so I can bail when I need to such as saying, "Hello, I am just on the way to.....". 

• Difficulty reading body language

I guess this is sometimes still a problem for me because I don't like looking at people in the first place so I am not looking in the right direction to actually see the body language! However, some things I pick up on easily enough such as people looking at their watches, shifting uneasily or backing away. It is the subtle facial expressions that I find hard but maybe that isn't helped by the fact that I don't have the same experiences of facial recognition that many neuro-typicals have?

Other

• Requires a routine and if it is disturbed, it can derail me. I like to work in my way in my time frame else it can cause frustration. Difficulty dealing with change, creating insecurity and confusion. I needed control or it would cause anxiety, particularly if things are done outside of my routine. Last minute changes and cancellations are hard to accommodate.

This probably still holds true but I am a bit better perhaps than I was but I still hate last minute negative changes. I like to have at least 24 hours notice for activities and I get extremely disappointed when things don't go to plan and it can make me very miserable. On the other hand, I try to be logical about things and focus on the reasons why things have to change. I try to be as flexible as I can but I don't like the build up of excitement when I look forward to something and then I crash back down. I find that hard to process. Still, I at least know that this can happen so I try and protect myself.

• Ability to remember long term things more than short term. I have a good memory for the irrelevant

I think this might be to do with overloading. If too much information is thrown at me, it doesn't sink in and so things don't go from short term memory and into long. I don't hear everything said to me and its like my brain shuts off. I hear the words but they might as well be said in Japanese as they are entirely meaningless. I switch off and I have had moments when I actually fall asleep in certain conditions! I find it hard to keep myself alert and writing notes helps to prevent the overloading difficulty.

• I can remember buildings but not faces and found it difficult to make eye contact.

I guess it boils down to where I point my eyes?!!?

• To avoid anxiety, I planned ahead particularly when going to new places.

This is something I still do. My phone is my crutch. Google is amazing to find out about stuff in advance plus Google Street Map is brilliant to find out what buildings look like before I go to somewhere new. I remember when I had to sit an exam in Coventry. I didn't know the place. I drove to a Premier Inn the day before using my Sat Nav. I looked up places to eat for the evening on my phone. I found some grub around the corner and was rather delighted by some Morrison's dessert :p The night before I looked up on the most brilliant website - Traveline - because I wasn't sure about driving in the city centre and finding a car park near the building I was attending at Coventry Uni. The website is excellent; I got the exact bus route and followed it on my phone whilst on the bus using Google Maps so I knew where I had to get off the bus and where I was on the map. It was brilliant because all my anxieties melted away. Incidentally, I got to the university 45 minutes early but that was at least peaceful for me. I was also 6 months pregnant so I had to take it easily.
Oh and by the way, Coventry has a HUGE Primark. I fitted in a bit of baby clothes shopping too before driving home. Vests. Newborns never can have enough vests.

Sensory Overload 

• Dislikes bright lights, wool, the sound of children, certain strong smells and unpredictable sounds.

I still don't like bright lights. Wool is annoying and itchy (I suspect this isn't just an autism thing!). Children are irritating but my own isn't so bad in small doses! At least I can tell the munchkin to shhhhh! I am not sure about the smells - maybe such as smelly feet. Unpredictable sounds remain a problem for me.
At the moment a problem I am having is the access door panel outside my office makes a high pitch noise but stops when someone uses their proximity card on the door and opens it. It closes and the noise returns. It hurts my head and makes me feel sick. Its on the to do list to get it fixed as I was so close the other day to just going home...! I also can't stand people talking loudly when I am trying to focus and read. I like silence when I am working unless I am writing about something I don't require too much focusing - such as this! It greatly depends on the type of noise, whether it is continuous and rhythmic.

• Difficulty distinguishing sounds and particularly voices in noisy environments.

Too much noises and I can't hear the voices I should be hearing. I can't cope with the radio and TV on at the same time and throw in someone talking, it makes my head spin. I don't juggle multiple sets of stimuli well and it overloads me and I find it gets physically painful. I end up with a migraine and want to go to bed in the dark away from any sounds.

• I have been accused of having a hearing problem but this isn’t true.

This is what happens when sensory overload occurs. My brain switches off and it seems like I am distant and not playing attention. I have been accused of not being interested but this true. Its more about not being able to take too much in sometimes.

• I reported a lack of sensitivity to physical pain

Its most odd. I react like a big cry baby when i stub my toe and my reaction is way over the top. Pain that I know is coming I don't seem to be so bothered about. I think the key is whether it is predictable and my reactions are much more proportionate when I know. I suspect that the minor accidents are more about how my little routine and plans are suddenly interrupted and not being able to transition back to them easily.

• Regular headaches

This is just the consequences of the the sensory overload.

Achievements

Listed in the report:

• Partner
• Job
• Own home.
• Notes my intelligence, significant insight into my condition and developed many coping mechanisms.

Yup and now married with a child and my job is much better than it was back and and I have done lots more uni studying!! :)

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