The nature of my job means that sometimes I drive to my place of work, other times I go by train to other more distant sites. I am happy with the arrangement and have no complaints. I have for many years been comfortable with my regular half hour motorway drive. I like it and I have no worries about that kind of high speed commute. The train I don't mind either, except the cost plus reliability (a rant for another day!)...
However, we are now entering into winter and it won't be long until its dark before I finish my working day. By this point I am tired and my tolerances to life drop a little. I am in no way near a meltdown place but night driving after a long day is something I have to be cautious about.
When I first got a car, I had terrible sensory overload at night. My eyes would catch the headlights of the oncoming traffic and I would seriously struggle to filter out the glare. Over the years I have been getting much more tolerant to this and recognising when best to make car journeys. A lot of it is about making sure my eyes are not drawn too much to those lights and to keep them darting around onto other more important things. It came with practice and confidence. I feel much safer too.
When I first started driving, I couldn't have music on. Now, I almost need it to keep my anxiety low. It's not that it's essential but feeling happy keeps the stresses down. The only times it goes off is when I'm doing complicated parking manoeuvres and driving in places I do not know, where I need to be at my peak of concentration and calm.
I hasten to add that I have never put myself, my passengers or other road users in any danger. I would never allow myself to get to that point. I have at times refused to drive and got my husband to when I have been with him. Or I would pull off the road and relax for 10 minutes so I could continue my journey. I would prepare in advance so that I never get into a car whilst feeling frazzled.
So here's my point: I seem neuro typical in that I can do all sorts of travelling in all sorts of conditions. I take it in my stride as a rule. But I do often have a long downtime after. I get home from work and turn the radio off my husband has left on. I sit down and do nothing. I just sit in the nothingness around me, enjoying the lack of stimulation to my visual and aural senses. I curl up on the sofa and veg. I allow the day to drain away from me and recharge so I am ready for when my young child comes home with her father.
So maybe I do have an hour or so between getting home and them getting back and perhaps jobs should be done and I should have eaten.
But I am having to look after myself so that I can face the evening.
This is why I take the train to the other office. Driving would just be too much. But I get there and my struggles fall under the radar because I have made my own reasonable adjustments to my life.
Sometimes we are our own greatest advocates of our needs!
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